Love Will Show You Everything

Hola all my friends.. Thx for staying here with me throughout my journey of love.

(updated from my diary - 17 Dec 09)

So , today is the second day I m back in my hometown. Feel so good to be here again.The familiar room,the familiar bed and the familiar posters on the wall.Nothing much happened today . I woke up at around 1pm as I slept quite “early” last night. I missed the lake , natures and everything in my small but beautiful town. But , I still didn’t have the chance to see them as it was raining the whole day and I cant get out with my lovely motorbike. Had dinner with my mom . Felt so good when having dinner with her , glad that the feeling was back again. After that I watched some tv shows.

It’s almost 2.30 in the morning now. The reason I m still awake is that I just watched a movie and I was completely moved by it. It was an old, random movie that was in my laptop for a very long time and today I get a chance to watch it.

Btw , the movie is called ‘If Only’ produced in 2004 .

The story started with a man having nightmare about his lover died in a car accident.

When he woke up in the morning, everything that happened was exactly the same as what he had seen in his dream. He tried to avoid things that happened in his dream like taking a different road to work. Still, things happened but just in a different way. He knew that his lover is going to die at the end of the day. That’s where he started to see things differently. He realized that throughout his whole life , he had never love his lover and paying attention to her the way he should be. He did everything he could to love his lover on that very special day. He cherished every single moment with his lover , making decisions that he had never done be4 , living his life to the fullest and his life was completely changed on that day. He finally felt love and learned the way to love. I’m not gonna tell u guys about the ending bcos I don’t want to be a spoiler and perhaps u guys want to watch it urself one day.

‘ I loved u since I met u , but I wouldn’t allow myself to truly feel it until today.

I was always thinking ahead . Making decisions soaked with fear.

Today ,because of you , what I’ve learned from you , every choice I made was different and my life has completely changed.

And I’ve learned , but if u do that , then you are living your life fully. Doesn’t matter if you have 5 minutes or 50 years.

If not for today , not for you , I would never have known love at all.

Thank you for being the person who taught me to love . And to be loved’

From the movie – ‘If Only’

It was a movie that brought me so much emotions and so much thoughts. I was thinking why human always don’t know how to cherish things around them until they have lost it . And there is no exception for me. I always didn’t see the importance of something until I’ve lost it. Maybe till now I still didn’t learn the way of how to cherish things or person the way I should . But after watching that movie , I tell myself , that from today onwards , I m gonna cherish every single moment in my life whether it is a dinner with my mom or some hangouts with my friends . I m gonna cherish it all like never be4. I know I will see things in a very differently way now. And hopefully that will leave me with no regrets one day bcos I have no idea on what is gonna happen tomorrow.

I will surely watch this movie again. Maybe in a few years time from now , with someone that I love . And at that time , we will feel so blessed and cherish the love we share together. I just need a little more patience. I will wait. I will wait for that one day to come.

Be4 I hit the sack , I would like to give my readers a gift. It is the song from the movie that was so touching. I don’t know about u guys, but I have always felt the lyrics of the songs. Because I know , that every song has a story behind it.

Lonely E.S.

PS: Want to feel what i feel at the moment? close your eyes and listen to the song..feel the lyrics along..and maybe u will get a little of what i feel right now...thx

this is the ending song..enjoy

Time For Miracles

Hello to all my fellow folks...How is life treating u guys these days?
I hope everyone is doing great!

First of all , I would like to apologize for not updating my blog for almost 2 months...I was too busy for classes , exams and many other things . So , now , i m finally back here , sitting in my bed alone , trying to recall everything that had happened in these 2 months.....

To be honest , I don't even know where to start this. Throughout these 2 months , I learned a lot. I mean A LOT.Whether it was in the school or in the experiences i gained. I finally realised that I was lost in the process of searching for love. I was lost in the middle of nowhere , forgot what I really want in my life and the love that I was always searching for. Yes , I did a lot of stupid things that will leave contrition in my heart for my whole life. Little did I know that I was lost until some people scold me and save me from the hell. I would like to thank these people here , it means a lot.

Before i started this post , i was thinking of discarding all my previous posts which contained an immense amount of immature thoughts . But , after a while ,i changed my mind as i want to keep all those mistakes so that they can remind me not to repeat those mistakes again.As u read my previous posts , u can see that I was pointing my finger at all times to other people but never say anything bad about myself . I was always the right one and never thought of maybe it was my fault for something that happened. Now , I feel guilty and sorry to my mom , to my friends and to everyone that cares about me. But everything that had happened is not important anymore because I am back. Yes , the boy that believed in love , the boy that always have faith in himself , the boy that have strong pride in his heart, the boy that always being a good son for his mom IS BACK. Let bygone be bygone. I m starting my brand new life all over again.

OK , now lets get to the point that u guys always want to hear.
I didn't meet that much of people in those 2 months because I lost my faith in love and I m tired of giving but not getting back.I didn't reply most of the messages that i got on PR. I was busy for classes and final exams.

Do u guys still remember Z from singapore? He did keep his promise of visiting me after my exam and we met a few days ago.So ,that night be4 my last day of examination, he called me and confirmed with me about the next day's coming to malaysia. I was awake for the whole night.Part of the reason is I was doing revision for my last paper and the other part is I m too excited of meeting him tomorrow. So , in the morning around 9.20 he text me saying that he was in the coach already. Without having breakfast(as usual), I head to the examination hall. I finished my 3hours paper in less than 1h 30mins bcos it was quite easy for me. I headed back to my house and immediately text him telling him i m done with my exams..I felt so relief but yet very tired.While waiting for him , i fell asleep.By the time of 3pm , he called me telling me that he finally reached KL. I head to the school again and wait for the bus for almost 1 hour.Then i took train to go to the hotel he stayed. We met in the hotel lobby and i gave him a hug.At the time I reached there , it was almost 5pm.My stomach was empty and i started to feel the gastric again. He , being a nice guy , already bought me some doughnuts from Krispy Kreme when he passed by BTS.That was the 1st time I ever eaten the Krispy Kreme doughnut(i didn't even try dunkin doughnut be4 ..."yeah , i m from the jungle" , i told him..hehe) He also bought me a TOUGH bag and a pair of slipper from Singapore as well as his singlet and a pair of sport pants.

At night , we had dinner at BTS . And he bought Auntie Anne's Pretzels for me which was also my 1st time eating it lol. I like it very much. Then ,we went to SW to shop around and bought America's Next Top Model cycle 13.It was one of my favourite reality shows and it was his too.So , we watched our favourite show until midnight and go to bed.He hug me when i sleep which I like it very much.

In the morning , I opened my eyes and saw him beside me hugging me. I felt so loved and happy.He then kissed me and hug me tight.He did everything as I always imagine in my Mr. Right . We then have our breakfast at Krispy Kreme and shop around BTS be4 went back to hotel to have some rest. He headed to the gym and afterthat joined me beside the pool having our sun tanning . We went to The Curve to have our dinner in Tony Roma's. We ordered the same beef ribs.OMG..i can't tell u how tasty it was.When the bill came i felt guilty because he spent so much on me.Our plan to watch New Moon didn't work out because the showtime is too late. We then walk to 1U.(yes, walk) I felt comfortable walking beside him. Again , I tried something i never tried be4 which is baskin robbins ice-cream.(yeah now u know that I m really from the jungle , I didn't go out with my friends to town that much bcos they always spend a lot and i feel guilty bcos I m using my mom's money and she is alone in my hometown working so hard to earn that money for me.) Then , we went back to hotel to continue our ANTM show again.I massaged him and i glad that he like it.That night I had nightmare.And i shouted. Luckily he was there to hug me and tell me it's ok.


So , the next morning was actually the last day he will stay in Malaysia. I felt so sad but i managed to control my emotional side.In the morning , i kissed him and hug him so tight.Wishing that moment will freeze forever so that he doesn't have to go.We went to subway in Pavilion to have our breakfast(again 1st time..sigh..) And I did so many stupid things like spilled some coffee when I carrying the tray .I dont know why , I will always do some stupid things when I am with someone I like.And I had some communication problem with him as my English is not that good.I m trying so hard and I m learning how to talk well..I hope he can feel that and don;t blame me.Maybe I felt a little nervous or something like that.I felt so embarrassed after all.I knew I look stupid even though i didn't look at the mirror. We went back to hotel to watch Astro Boy. And afterthat I followed him to bus station . It was really hard to say goodbye. I wish I could tell him how much I appreciate him for coming down to KL from SG just to spend time with me.How much i felt comfortable having him around me.How much I care about him.I felt really touched.Not much people treat me as good as him. Yet , I can't put that in words and tell him. Instead , I gave him a big hug.I guess my hug worth a million words.I then walk to the train station and he went inside the coach. Finally i cant hold that emotion anymore. Looking back at the bus station , my eyes starting to get wet.I was thinking why people I care for always have to stay so far from me.And then I think of my mom. So , now I m back to my lonely life again. I will go back to my hometown to see my mom once i settled everything at school and my work.

I still miss him so much these days.Wondering how he was doing.I will never forget about the memories we shared together.Maybe he stay far away but when I walk he is with me(the slipper) , when I carry my bag(Tough bag) he is with me also. I didn't expect anything to happen now. At least I m glad that my faith in love is getting stronger and stronger.I will never ever give up on love . And like I say.......IT IS TIME FOR MIRACLES

Lonely E.S.

pls listen to the song as it was how i feel at the moment for him

PS: Want to feel what i feel at the moment? close your eyes andlisten to the song..feel the lyrics along..and maybe u will get a little of what i feel right now...thx