Buon Giorno everyone!!! How was your new year?
1st of all i would like to wish everyone to have a great year ahead.May all your wishes come true and may your love life goes well.Happy New Year 2010!
Well, let's talk about mine.On new year's eve I didn't go to any place.Instead , i stayed at home with my mom watching tv shows.Of couse my friends asked me to join the party , but i think this year i should be celebrating it in a different way..that's right ----with my mom. I actually felt more comfortable at home watching tv shows with my mom's company.I mean , I m tired of all the crowds and shouting already.
So , be4 coming back to KL i actually did a lot of things in my hometown.On the 1st of Jan , woke up in the morning and i was seized by a whim..I had this feeling of wanting to jog around the lake garden.So , i told my mom to join me.The only problem is...i realised i don't even own a pair of sport shoes..mine was spoiled 1 or 2 years ago.I can't even remember when was the last time i jog.Mayb since that time when i lost my shoes.......I guess. Anyway, i m glad i still keep my pair of school's white shoes.It looks weird but who cares...at least i was wearing something.
Yes.It felt so familiar after all.It was like going back to 10 years ago when my mom used to take me to the lake during weekends. The same jogging track , the same fountain , the same trees. The only different thing is i m already grown up and now i m the one who took my mom there.
In the afternoon , I followed my mom to the mall to shop around.Saw one nike shoes i really like...but turn around...what???!!! rm259..i was like..r u kidding me? Of course my mom said she can buy for me since i got very good results for my exam.But i know if she will have to buy me that , she will end up eating instant noodle for dinner.So , I lied that the shoes are actually not that nice.I have seen some better ones somewhere else.We continue shopping around and in the end i didn't buy anything either it was too expensive or i don't like the thing.
So , the week carried on. I went to learn swimming with my friends , hanging out with them. Took my mom to Kenny Roger's and the cinema.And i have to say AVATAR was really nice.I would watch that again a thousand times.Mayb the 3D version?Hehe.And yes ! I used my own money..from where i got d money? lol..of course my last year CNY's red packet and my part time job's money. Not much left though but still can make it for some kenny roger's and movie tickets.
Well , now i m back to KL.The place where all complications started.I wished i never been here.But i know there is no turning back.1st week here already left me with a lot of headache.
Changing of timetable , having problem to access the uni's website and the bunch of shit mail in my PR can already drive me nuts.Yes , i dont have internet at my hometown.Which is why i was more relax and don't have to worry anything much.
Many things happened in this 1st week of my new year.Not the good one though.Knowing people had been lying to me , knowing that i was a fool in love.Yes , it started all over again.Can't i just get some rest and settle down.I really wish to.Don't like to torture my heart anymore.
Let's talk about the mail i got on PR.As usual , some guys who never bothered to read my profile send me mail again to ask for sex.Some offered me to **** them.Yes , and i did **** them all. Wait..r u mad?.of course i didn't do that..I rejected them all as i still know what i want in my life.I would rather jer* myself off than having sex with those pervert strangers.Some even send me message like : u should go back to the right track if not u will get hurt. What he meant was i should become str8 and denying the fact that i m gay.I mean r u serious? I m young but i m matured enough to know who i like and i m not gonna be someone i m not.And most importantly i m not gonna date a girl and lie to them.I wont feel happy by doing that.And btw , in a relationship..no matter if u r loving a guy or a girl , u will still get hurt if something went wrong.It has nothing to do with one being gay or not.
BE IT GAY OR STRAIGHT!I was good in many things.But i was always a fool in love.No one appreciates the care i gave to them or the love i showed them.They just don't give a shit about it no matter how hard i tried.
During my holidays , I was away from internet and msn for 3 weeks. Every text i got on my phone was from my str8 friends asking where did i go and how m i doing.None of them are from the gay ones.Oh , yeah there is one.His name is K.He will sms me once in a while to ask me how i was doing. But still , i realised i have no friends in this circle.And surprisingly , i never met anyone the second time. Either i m not their type , i didn't make my move or i made my move but they think i m cheap and can easily take me for granted.WTF world is this...i didn't make my move they said i didn't work hard enough to show i m interested in working this relationship out; if i made my move they said i m too cheap.WTF! I m not a flip-flop ok?!For someone who said i m emo and should grow up..u should be thankful bcos it shows that i care. If i don't care i wouldn't have wasted my time putting my feeling and emotions in it.
There is someone i would really like to meet for the second time.He is G. I think I mayb like him and wanted this relationship to work out somehow.But , he is dating someone else. And i guess he is not interested in me...I don't know why.i just felt that way.We still talk on msn , but i was always the one who started the conversation 1st.Guess he doesn't give a shit abt me does he? i doubted.He told me he likes the guy with good body , of course i don't have a good body.But i have something that is more valuable which is a sincere heart. Oh ya , who gives a shit abt sincere heart right?Guess i should stop this whole thing as soon as possible.Feel like deleting my PR acct , delete everyone in my msn,stop hoping that someone will actually love me.My heart is like can explode in any second..It just feels so pain...so pain. I just wanna know what love is.Why there is no one to show me. Who is gonna save this boy who is going to drown any second in the middle of the sea.Yes , we all know the answer....No matter how long the boy waited , there is still no one coming....no one..
they say there's always someone in a relationship who loves more,oh god i wish it wasn't me
Lonely E.S.
PS: Want to feel what i feel at the moment? close your eyes and listen to the song..feel the lyrics along..and maybe u will get a little of what i feel right now...thx
