Breathless

I chat with D as usual these days.Everytime i was like can't wait to go home to talk to him. And everytime i do..i fall even deeper for him. i just cant take these feelings away now.it's so hard u know.But i just couldn't tell him.I don't wanna break his heart and bring him much troubles again.I want him to be the one i can rest my head on , i want to be the one to take care of him and love him , i want to be the one who takes care of him when he fall sick ,i wanna be the one to pull his blanket up so that he wont feel cold at night , i wanna be the one to lend him my shoulder whenever he needs it ,i wanna be the one to tell him everything is gonna be ok because he has me .(vice versa)
I can't lie to myself anymore , i love him .


The night continued with chatting. When he told me he is going to meet someone the next day ,i was heart broken. Yes , i love him and i want him to be happy to do whatever he likes. But it is just really hard to put that feelings away and know that he is looking for any chance in his life. Still , i wish him good luck with a broken heart.

Anyway , afterthat i got into remote assistant and got access to his computer. i was trying to help him to get rid of the bad anti-virus program. With patience, he told me about everyone in his MSN list..Afterthat he fell asleep.yes , he looks tired..u don't know how much i wanna hug him at that moment. He left the computer there and let me have control of it..didnt do much though after he slept..glad that he trusted me. i left a note for him on the desktop with some encourage words hoping when he wakes up , i m the 1st one to wish him good morning. I closed my eyes.Couldn't sleep. But i felt safe.I felt like i m not alone and he is just right beside me.The special one -D.

Lonely E.S.

PS: Want to feel what i feel at the moment? close your eyes and listen to the song..feel the lyrics along..and maybe u will get a little of what i feel right now...thx