Inconsolable

How r u guys doing?

Anyway , the story continues.It was a long day. I read the books , walk around lying in the bed and try not to think about him. I thought i could.But, i failed. Waiting , no message , no MSN . Wondering how was his day . So , i text him asking him how is he doing. He replied that he was out and having headache. I started to worry about him.He told me he was out with someone(his ex) this afternoon. Yeah jealous again. Wish i could go out to hangout with him also.
Waited in front of laptop and fell asleep again.

When i woke up it was about 10pm , he sent me message on msn. So , we talk and talk as usual.The only different thing is that i am trying to make a gap between me and him.I was thinking maybe it's time to let him go.And he felt what i was doing too.But then , i regret.I don't think i can live without seeing him and talking to him. We continued talking.And he asked me why i didn't go to his house a few days to hangout with him. Yes , i m happy.But i m not sure whether he is kidding or really want me to be there.U know...i just can't wait to hug him anymore.That night i sleep quite tight. seeing each other sleeping on cam.Finally ,i felt peaceful .
The next morning was the best i had.Seeing him right beside me(yes on cam , but who cares).I'm so glad to be the 1st one saying good morning to him.The only bad thing is i couldn't give him a hug hehe.

We talk for the whole day.I enjoyed his company with me.And i really hope he did too.So ,we did some maths together and discussing about the questions.Be4 he go , i tease him asking him to come see me.(not tease actually,really wanna see him)But he said petrol expensive la ,lrt expensive la.Don't want him to waste money on me though.Told him i understand it's ok.Wish i could tell him if he doesn't mind i will take train to see him.But i don't like to go somewhere uninvited. Now , i m left with confusion and doubts. Now he is single .Will he treat me the same way like this after he got a bf again? will he still let me talk to him cam to cam? sleep with him cam to cam?Hangout with me sometimes?Or is he gonna left me unconcerned.The fear started again.And yes , i m not gonna lie, i m still in love with him.Deeper and deeper.Loving someone that u will never have is really hurt..I hope i could just tell him i don't want to be his friend anymore and hope he will love me for my sincerity.He told me never give up on my life and in whatever i do. So , till the end of my life , i will never give up on him.The door will always open for him.I will be there for him whenever he needs me.Only for him.The special one - D.

In tears again,
Lonely E.S.

PS: Want to feel what i feel at the moment? close your eyes and listen to the song..feel the lyrics along..and maybe u will get a little of what i feel right now...thx